


No Signal

by rainpuddles



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Community: springkink, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-04
Updated: 2010-03-04
Packaged: 2017-10-07 17:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/67323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainpuddles/pseuds/rainpuddles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Self-acceptance is hard. :(</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Signal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [](http://www.livejournal.com/users/springkink/profile)[**springkink**](http://www.livejournal.com/users/springkink/) for the prompt _['Persona 4 - Yosuke/Protagonist - dealing with ingrained homophobia'](http://community.livejournal.com/springkink/942534.html)_ CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE WHOLE GAME, INCLUDING THE TRUE ENDING AND ALL OF YOUSUKE'S S.LINK.

There were three different types of messages Yousuke would usually receive in his inbox: spam, chain letters, and the occasional "actual" e-mail (if broken down into percentages, they'd look something like 85%, 8%, and 7% respectively). He didn't mind, at first, because he didn't use his cell phone all that much and deleting unwanted mails was easy. But that was only until the day when he started getting all sorts of offers from different companies, anything from animal crackers to DVD players to king-sized beds.

"Maybe someone posted your number on a message board online," said Rise.

Chie nodded. "Yeah, and since they know you're an _influential_—," She made quotation gestures with her fingers, "—person at Junes..."

"What? People seriously think I'll ask my dad to start selling that stuff at Junes just because they spam me with it everyday?"

Yukiko cleared her throat, looking a little embarrassed. "They've done... similar things, at our inn. People would email me asking for discounts or free nights, just because they're important..."

"Whoa," Kanji blinked, then frowned. "Talk about dumbassery."

"Poor Yukiko-chan!" cooed Teddie.

"Well, they're obviously stupid! If I didn't have have better things to do, I'd write down all their brand names and get my dad to _stop_ selling their products."

Naoto fixed her cap and spoke in her usual monotone. "Or you could simply obtain a new number."

"Yeah, that's what Yukiko did, right?" Chie looked at her friend, who nodded in response.

Yousuke scratched the back of his head. "Nnnnyeaaah, I don't know, that sounds like too much trouble."

"It's not!" chirped Rise. "As Risette, I had to change mine every other week or so because my fans would _always_ find a way to get their hands on it and then text me with all sorts of..." She trailed off. "A-Anyway! What I was trying to say is, I could help you with that, Yousuke-senpai."

As tempting as the offer sounded, Yousuke couldn't accept in good conscience. First, because he _knew_ it wasn't anything hard to do, even if Rise was talking to him as if he was some sort of technologically impaired old man. Second, because... well, he didn't want to.

"It's fine, it's fine. Maybe I'll look into it later. Thanks for the offer, anyway."  


*****

  
Yousuke had never changed his number since he'd moved to Inaba. He kept telling himself it was because he didn't want to lose contact with his friends from the city, but the truth was he rarely heard from them anymore. Most of the people who messaged him nowadays were his family, and the members of the Investigation Team (the name had stuck, even after the mystery had been solved). Well... except for _someone_.

He glanced at the photo of their group together. They took it right before _he_ returned to his hometown. It was kind of funny how despite being in the middle of a painful farewell they all looked so happy. And they were still happy now! It had been only a few months since the school year had started again, _a normal school year_ for once, and things were peaceful in town.

But _he_ wasn't there anymore.

Yousuke let himself fall on his bed, the photograph still in his hand. He knew he was doing fine because the other guys talked about their conversations with him every now and then.

"He said he won't be able to visit during Golden Week because he'll be travelling with his parents," would say Yukiko, causing everyone to look a little downcast.

"But that's good for Senpai, right? Since his 'rents are usually busy and all," Kanji would add. And then they'd all nod and talk about how they still had the summer vacations and they'd better start planning things to do.

And Yousuke's stomach would twist and he'd feel sick all of a sudden. Just like right now.  


*****

  
He had e-mailed Yousuke once— all of them actually, to let them know he'd arrived home safely. But Yousuke had been in the middle of a midnight sale when it happened and couldn't reply right away. Then when his shift was over it was too late and he didn't want to disturb his sleep. Besides, replying to a message like that one day after seemed... kind of dumb, to him.

So he never wrote back.

There were things going on in Yousuke's life that he would have liked to share with him (like this new awesome song that had just come out, or the picture from when he'd painted his bike, or how he'd been praised in class for getting a question right—a question he'd helped Yousuke with the year before), but they all seemed so trivial and boring.

Calling him was totally out of the question. Long distance rates or not, that was such a _girl_ thing to do. And what was he supposed to say? "Hey partner, what's up?" would have been pointless because he knew how he was doing thanks to everyone else ("Ahhh, Sensei got a new part-time job! He's such a responsible man!", "This crime novel? Ah, yes, it was a recommendation from Senpai, he said it had... caused him to think of me.")

And the days stretched into weeks that stretched into months... Because the longer he waited to contact him, the more difficult it became. Yousuke often had nightmares where he wrote to him and got a message in response that read "Who are you?" or "What do you want?" or, in the worst ones, "Leave me alone."

But even with all this, he still couldn't bring himself to change his number.  


*****

  
"Yo, Senpai. S'up?" He crossed paths with Kanji as the other boy was heading out the Sewing Club's classroom.

"Hey, not much."

Kanji waved goodbye to the girls and caught up with him. "You sure?"

Yousuke blinked in confusion. "Yeah? Why wouldn't I be?"

"Dunno..." The other boy shrugged and looked away. "Senpai asked me about you the other day, so I thought maybe—"

"He what?" Yousuke stopped in the middle of the corridor.

Kanji did the same. "Asked me 'bout you? How you were doing and all that?"

Dead silence.

"Did you fight or... uh, something?"

"No," Yousuke replied in a clipped tone. "No, why would we?" He bit down on his lip before he could add _We never even talk!_

Kanji shrugged, looking unsure. "I _dunno_. 's why am askin', alright?"

Yousuke took a deep breath and resumed walking, more briskly now. "Thanks Kanji, but you can tell him I'm fine."  


*****

  
That was probably the thing that pissed him off the most. It was only natural that the girls would keep in touch with him, even Teddie, because he kind of counted as a girl when it came to his "Dear Sensei." But the fact that _even Kanji_ still kept up with his life... It made sense on a certain level, because Kanji was Kanji and he was... _different_. But that still didn't make Yousuke feel any less jealous.

Oh, _there_ was that word. Jealous. He could have punched himself in the face right there, just for letting the thought slip; now his very own Pandora's Box was open and he had to deal with all the nasty things that were coming out of it. He felt jealous because, unlike the rest of his friends, he had been stupid enough to let a friendship die. And it wasn't just any friend, it was the best friend Yousuke had made in a long time. He'd always listen to him, put up with his stupid outbursts, and cheer him up when he was feeling down. It was someone special, someone dear to Yousuke, and life in Inaba just hadn't been the same since he'd left.

He didn't want to diminish anyone else's feelings, because he knew his partner ("_his_ partner?" what the hell, Yousuke) had been just as important to them. But they all looked like they'd managed to move on with their lives. Teddie was busy looking after the TV World, Yukiko had an inn to manage, Chie spent most of her free time training... and so on.

Was it maybe because they all still talked to him? Because he'd never really left their lives...?

Yousuke's cell phone rang and, without thinking, he grabbed it and smashed it against the far off wall in his room, effectively causing it to break open.

_"Shit,"_ he murmured, curling up on his bed and doing his best not to think of about his stupid feelings for another guy.  


*****

  
"So you finally caved, huh?" Chie smiled.

"It was about time," Yousuke said with a shrug. He was determined not to give this any importance.

"And you even got a new model! Shiny!" Of course, neither Rise not anyone else needed to know what had happened to his old phone, or why.

"Well, just be careful who you give your number to," said Naoto. "You wouldn't want it spread around like the previous one, correct?"

Yousuke couldn't tell if she was teasing or being serious about it, but she had a good point.

"Yeah, I'm only giving it to you guys and a few other people for now."

"I can text it to—"

Yousuke interrupted before Yukiko could finish her offer. "Already did that, myself."

It was a lie, obviously. But even now he couldn't bring himself to tell the others about the fall out he'd had with their former leader.  


*****

  
The worst part about summer was that Junes was twice as busy than usual and school was out, meaning Yousuke didn't have any excuses to avoid helping out at the store. That translated into long, insufferable days where all he did was stand there and help with whatever was needed while having no one to talk to other than irritable customers and himself. He didn't know which option was worse. Especially since he still couldn't take his mind off the whole phone fiasco, and how much it still hurt. The problem with accepting your true self was that it also meant that the little voice inside your head became amazingly loud, to the point where it was impossible to ignore it. And Yousuke's really enjoyed reminding him of how much he failed as a friend and how he should just admit to himself what his real feelings towards him were.

He went and sat at the usual food court table during one of his breaks. Then he opened his cell phone and stared at the screen.

Maybe if he e-mailed... if he called him... just to confess... Maybe then he'd realize just how disgusting and stupid Yousuke was, and how it had been a good thing to lose contact for so long. And then Yousuke wouldn't ever have to worry about this whole situation anymore, because there'd be no "what if's," and _he_'d take care of letting the others now about how horrible a person Yousuke was, and...

He took a deep breath and started writing an email where he detailed every single thing that happened since he'd left Inaba, and how Yousuke couldn't deal with all these emotions anymore. He typed and typed for pages, anger, frustration, sadness, nostalgia, and a hundred other feelings overflowing all at once. He didn't even bother rereading the message (just in case he might regret it). But when he hit the "send" option, an error popped up.

_"Please specify at least one recipient."_

Of course.

He'd lost his contact information when he'd switched phones.

_Dammit_.

He started laughing helplessly, a hand over his eyes. He knew people were staring and murmuring, but he didn't care. There wasn't really anything else he could do anymore.

His phone rang and he pushed the receive button without even looking. "Hey, this is Hanamura." Yousuke realized then, his voice sounded a little broken, but he kept on listening into the phone. "... What?" He sat up straight on his chair, the words on the other end of the line making his heartbeat race. "Yeah, yeah, I. ... I-Is it really you—?"

He started laughing again, but this time it sounded different. He couldn't articulate _one word._ "H-Haha, no, I'm fine, I'm—_what..._?"

And then he turned around slowly with the device firmly glued to his ear, to find all of the gang waving at him.

_He_ was smiling at Yousuke when he hung up and stepped closer with the rest of them. Yousuke could do nothing but keep on laughing, until tears started to come out of his eyes.


End file.
